When Parents Feel More Than Their Children

Last week, little Rhea stood on stage for her preschool performance. She forgot one line of her rhyme, paused, and then happily continued with the rest. The audience clapped, and she walked off smiling, already excited about the juice and snacks waiting for her.

But her mother’s heart? It was racing. She replayed that one moment again and again—what if Rhea felt embarrassed? What if people thought she wasn’t prepared? The mother carried the weight of the moment long after Rhea had forgotten it.

This happens often. A child falls while running, brushes off the dust, and continues playing. The parent, however, holds onto the worry: “What if she got hurt? Why wasn’t I more careful?”

The child moves on. The parent doesn’t.

Why Do Parents Feel More Intensely?

1. Protective nature: Parents instinctively want to shield their children from all pain, even tiny ones.

2. Past echoes: A parent’s own childhood fears or failures may resurface when they see their child in a similar situation.

3. Dreams & expectations: Parents sometimes feel disappointment or pride more sharply than the child because the moment feels bigger in their eyes.

4. Empathy magnified: A small challenge for the child may feel like a huge challenge for the parent simply because they care deeply.

 The Child’s Way

Children experience emotions in the moment. They cry when they fall, laugh when they rise, and move on quickly. Unlike adults, they don’t carry the “what ifs” of the future or the memories of the past for long. Their resilience is natural.

The Risk

When a parent’s emotions overshadow the child’s, children may:

* Begin to see small events as “big problems.”

* Absorb parental anxiety and mirror it.

* Feel pressure to “perform” so their parents don’t get upset.

The Shift Parents Can Make

Pause and check-in: Ask, “Is this my child’s feeling or mine?”

Follow your child’s lead: If they’re fine, you can be fine too.

Separate stories: Remember, this is your child’s journey, not a replay of yours.

Model calmness: Children learn resilience when they see it in you.

A Gentle Reminder

Children are not as fragile as we fear—they stumble, fall, forget, and try again. Sometimes, they don’t need rescuing; they just need a parent who trusts their ability to bounce back.

So the next time your heart beats faster than your child’s, pause. Smile. Let them carry their little moment, and keep your emotions light enough so they can shine through their own.